To my daughter- with love

Dearest child,

It has been quite a journey, the mother of all roller coaster rides these past three and a half years................. but the pleasure, the thrill has been unmatched despite the close calls that happened to my poor heart.

At 1.20 am on 7th October, 2004, you decided that enough was enough, the waiting-for-the-right-time-to-see-the-world game had become quite tiresome, and it was time to take matters in your hand. Had you paused just a moment to consult your poor mother, I would have tried to put some good sense in your stubborn head, but now since I know patience is not one of your virtues, I realise that perhaps it would have been in vain. Your timing was bad, child, the sky looked pensive and heavy with a thousand dark intentions. I hated to go down and disturb the sleep of two of the kindest people who walk this beautiful earth( your dear dear grandparents).... but since you showed no intention of listening to me, I had no option but to wake them up and then call up the hospital.

Your "dada" said he will drive me to the hospital and "aeba"would need to come along as well. It was around 3.50 am when we started, the drizzle was steadily increasing to bigger and rounder drops and within minutes the roads resembled slithering, glossy, hissing serpents....... The famous potholes on our Kolkata roads now assumed the look of craters, rapidly filling up with the liquid ire of the Rain God. Well, you sure handed over a great responsibility to your "dada", handling his precious cargo and reaching safely the destination, in that mad, mad night. So at roughly around 20 minutes past 5 or maybe a little later we rolled in through the hospital gates. I was wheeled in with royal treatment and assigned a room with a 72 year old who had (I dont know how!!) broken one of her hip joints and now had a steel ball in her hip socket as replacement .wow imagine!

Well as a matter of fact, you had been in your new home only for 36 weeks, it would have been so much the better for all of us, if you would have stayed back for just another 1 or 2 weeks more.

...... Well, come to think of it, it wasn't that bad actually, because Ma Durga was sheduled to visit her earthly abode around the 19th of October, and Pujas being what it is for Kolkata, doctors might have gone for extended leaves, and what could have been worse, than spending the "DURGA PUJAS" in a hospital bed, when the whole city would be lost in joy and merriment.

There I go again rushing ahead in my tale, sorry sweetheart, lets go back to Room No. 203 A of Aurobindo Seva Kendra at Jodhpur Park....

By 7.30 the entire city was waterlogged, lifts stopped working, doctors couldnt keep deadlines since their vehicles, midway, swallowed water, hiccupped and stalled, the morning shift staff couldn't reach as trains were halted at god forsaken stations and the nurses, attendants and doctors were forced to work overtime.

The same fate was meted to our Omni and your dada and aeba had to dump it at the petrol pump (thank god, the car had the good sense to go kaput there!) and wade through knee deep and then thigh deep waters to come to the hospital at around 10.30 am.

I was getting worried about your safety and kept enquiring for the doctor...... everytime being told not to worry... he was on his way....... finally they couldn't keep it from me anymore, my doc would'nt be able to make it and so his next in charge would take over. I was besides myself with worry. I trusted my doctor with my life and more importantly yours - it was a bond which had gradually developed over a period of 9 long months every moment of which was cherished and loved.....

The lift was not working so 4 (strong) attendants lifted me on a stretcher and carried me up two flights of stairs to the OT. I felt quite funny besides being scared!

7th October, 1.30 p. m. : Suffice it to say, I hate OTs.... they scare me, my nerves desert me and it is living hell........But oh ! I see the familiar face of my angel doctor who smiles behind his mask, I see the smile in his eyes and am reassured.....

7th October, 1.37 pm: my anaesthetist asks me "what do you think.....will it be a boy or a girl......"

7th October, 1.38 pm, Thursday: A sweet feeble cry....... I say 'its a b...a GIRL", the doc smiles and says " yes you are right , a girl it is!"

They bring you near, my heart wells up in my eyes, a pretty child, so frail and delicate ( child, I ate such a lot, what happened ? you let me down you know, 2 kilos and 250 gms, it sure was a bad performance!)

The following 2 days , are a little hazy dear, I was worried for you but not overly..... it was later that I came to know that you sure had battled it out with pipes and tubes and incubators...... but I had always known that you my child are a Fighter with all the letters in capitals and you will make your own destiny.

14th October , Thursday: WE are HOME!!!

Several million milestones later.......

1st February 2007 , 9.15 am : As your dada and I take you to your first date with school "ROCKFORD HOUSE" we are tensed and besides ourselves with worry. The initial moments were easy, you walk in holding my hand, raising shy eyes to the new "aunty" who is smiling at you.... its only when she holds your hand and leads you away that you cry out in protest..............Ah child it wrung my heart to leave you and go to office.

At 10.30 your dada calls me up and tells me that you have been so inconsolable, crying "dada... dada" all the while that they have let you go. Papiya aunty tells your dada that this is the first time she has come across a child who could not be consoled, quietened and diverted by all the means that she had hitherto employed successfully, for all other new entrants to her fold. Well, did'nt we all know how obstinate our little angel could be.......

27 days of pure agony, interspersed with occasional hours of ecstasy followed. You pleaded with us saying " Papiya Aunty baaje (bad), aami ecool (school) jabo na...... dadaaaaaaaaaaa, aami ecool jabo na". Saturdays and Sundays you loved best ....... we agonised over your settling in school, would it ever happen? were they treating you well ? maybe we needed to change schools ???

Aah, finally 28th February 2007 : Before your "dada"'s and my startled eyes you accept Papiya Aunty's hand held out to you, smile shyly, wave to us and go through the school gate WITHOUT A PROTEST. So, our wait is finally over , you have actually started liking school..... looking forward to it in fact.

You sing, you dance, you recite your nursery rhymes in your high pitched sing song voice and each and every word and action of yours we would like to freeze in the frame of time and preserve for ever in the albums of our mind. Oh! how I pray that the cruel hands of time not dim the memory of these moments and our accompanying feelings of pride, joy and weak kneed thankfulness.

I , for one, now fully understand the profoundity of " I love you so much, it hurts". You will too but you have to wait till god lets you become a mother...........................

7th April 2008, Monday: We have lived out a lifetime these past three and a half months, but that is a story for another day, another time.

Today you take your first step towards making your own destiny, preparing yourself for leaving behind footprints on the sands of time.....You did not cry when I handed you over to your class teacher Ananya Banerjee at Delhi Public School. You were brave and I would want you to be so , take every new step with a sparkle in your eyes and spring in your step, however frightened you be in your heart.

You cried when I went to pick to pick you up after school. My heart welled up, I hated your misery as much you hated it...... but dear, as you grow up , life will teach you that man's got to do what man's got to do..... and I was supposed to to be strong and guide you, right?

You blackmailed me into bunking office" Mamma please jeyo na, aamar ssathe thako, aamar khushi hobe". I was too weak hearted a mother to be a disciplinarian and called up to excuse myself.

Aah my child how it wrings my heart when every night while going to bed you ask me in a plaintive voice "Mamma kalke school nei toh..." (mamma, do I need to go to school tomorrow....). And then in the morning again " mamma please dont send me to school...... I dont want to go to BIG school". I go through the entire cycle that I went through when you first started school.

You come back with your tiffin untouched.... throwing us into paroxyms of anxiety...... the entire day you are a happy child but as night comes your question pops up again..... when will you fall in love with your school child ?

7th May 2008, Wednesday : ON the ride to the school I tell you, how your summer hols will commence from 1 day later..... you ask me again and again , Mamma...CHHUTI????, "Yes beta tomar 30 days chutti, tumi khali khelbe, drawing korbe, aamra shopping jabo" , you stare at me your eyes twin twinkling stars.... "mamma satti bolcho toh"(mamma are you telling the truth?)

I promise that its GOd's own Truth.

That day YOU enter school with a SMILE on your Face!!!!!.

So DEAR CHILD we resume anew with renewed hopes our BLESSED journey THROUGH LIFE......